Life. Now. Om.

The all important first post. 

I wrote one already, a nice introduction to what I want to say...then I found out Blogger doesnt have autosave..........

My ADHD kicked in causing me not to notice my Four year old playing her Talking Tom game while simultaneously pushing my beautifully written post closer and closer to the preverbial fall of deletion over the Unprepared Phone Dying Cliff. 

At one point in my life I would have probably thrown my phone, yelled at my Daughter, and sit pissed off as I frustratingly tried to Recreate the non-recreatable. 

Thank God for Spiritual Awakening...

I have to confess, I did get pissed, but the difference is I didnt BECOME pissed. 

I felt and acknowledged the emotion, letting it float by in the often ignored realm of the conscious mind.

I then put the phone down to come back at a later time. And consciously made the decision to let it go. 

And now, is the later time. 

Nothing, absolutely Nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. 

This is a fundamental life belief I've grown to rely on these past few years, regardless of the difficulty to follow through with what this entails. I dont get to Cherry pick when this is conveniently applied and when Its not. Everything means EVERYTHING. Easier said than done though for sure. 

Sometimes it seems I want to swim upstream and fight the entire universe. 

But thanks to the world ending, eye opening, ego losing, peace flurishing activity I discovered called Meditation, I have become intrinsically aware of this flaw.

And because of the beauty of living in the Now, I can now pull myself back from this conditioned response of having to control the Cause AND Effect of every little aspect of my life. 

Which brings me to some of what my original blog post contained. 

Life. Now. Om. 

I wanted a catchy name, something fun. I like puns, and I wanted the name to symbolize what I want to say (Imagine that... i mean isnt that what everyones blog title is aimed to do).

I came up with Life Now Om. 

Life, obviously because its about my life but in addition to my life, I want to discuss the beauty of discovering living in the Now and the power of the Vibration Om. 

I say Vibration because to say "word" is an insult and "sound" puts a limitation to its true ability. 

Om is the primordial sound, the Alpha and Omega of Mantras and Vibrations so to speak. 

It is the vibration that connects all living life.

Living life in the Now, with the intent of staying true to who I am as a being, both Spiritual and Human is what I believe my Soul should do, what we all should do.

Which is the reason I feel it necessary to share what Ive learned with anyone who will listen. 

The earth will be a better place when Experience Strength and Hope is freely given away for the souls purpose (and soul purpose) of creating a conscious loving global society.

Kinda deep but needed non the less.

So, there you have it, Life Now Om.  

Enough about the name, there is after all the content of the blog that should be discussed. After all, No one comes to a blog to read a never ending story about the Blogs name...thats weird. 

So here it is, hope you enjoy. 

Ive been on this Journey my entire life. 

Until recently I would have said this started 6 years ago, but the further I go, the more I realize thats incorrect. 

I have always been the way I am in this exact Moment. 

Sure, Ive gained experience and wisdom. Maybe some wrinkles. I said MAYBE. 

But the core of my being, the Listener, the voice in my head, the I, has always acted, sounded, and thought the exact same way. 

I talk too much, think too much, speak too loud, too nice, too mean, a people pleaser, anti social. I'm too skinny, tall, bitchy, etc. I shouldnt smoke, shouldnt have "experimented" with opiates, should have gone to college, married BEFORE the baby, married someone without etc. The list goes on and on. 

Until, one day, I was sitting alone in my big house, with my Dog, two cats, Diamond Ring, Two Cars and one pink Covered Perfect, Fat, Gerber Baby sleeping upstairs.
 I had recently taken a trip with my Mother and sister... A Deadly Combo... You have no. I. Dea.
Needless to say it went to hell in a handbasket about four times in the five day trip.  The final freak out leaving me meandering through the Atlanta International Airport for the two and a half hour lay over acting like I had something in my Eye... not crying ....pushing my 1 year old and 50 lbs of baby crap by myself.

Something had to give.

I finally had everything my Family had taught me I needed to be successful in their eyes. I had done it....and yet,  as soon as we were put in a situation where we could finally behave as adults, we were instead shoved into our familiar patterns by our conditioned response to one another.

Except for one small thing, I observed this from Consciousness and altered my behavior accordingly.

This was a first. And no one like it... But me.

So back to the recliner and thinking WTF am I going to do about this.... And, like a lightbulb turning on, it dawned on me. 

I am not the one with the Problem. 

Now most would see this as an egotistical statement. But its not. And heres why-

1. It does not stem from a of anger, resentment, or hatred.

2. I do not believe I am special in any way or different from anyone else. 

3. I believe every person on this Earth would have the same experience if they realized what I realized by this statement. 

The realization was this:

Every single belief and thought I have ever had. Every. Single. One. Has stemmed from someone elses reality.

It may have been an original thought, but that thought can most definitely be traced back to the belief or thought of someone else. 

I spent my entire life listening to everyone else, and trying to please everyone else. Going so far as to accept their false belief about myself as my truth. 

Along the way I would see glimpses of my truth. At times there has been a smack in the face from the Universe when Ive ignored my truth for too long...thats never worked out for me very well... Like ever. 

The reason I ignored it at all goes back to those thoughts from other people. I had allowed other people's False thoughts about who I was and am, become my reality. 

Some may say this realization is second nature to some, and not in fact a realization, but I dont think so. 

I think everyone reads those words, says that statement or knows its the truth, but for some reason compartmentalize it into whatever box their Ego deems fit at that time. 

For myself, coming to this realization seemed to propel me into the dimension of Awakening at a speed I was unaware even existed, much less something I found to be comfortable or easy. 

Its been an insane trip, one that has brought many leasons, blessings, and change my way. 

I may not have been graceful through it all, but I at least tried (and still try) to be grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to grow, for becoming stronger, for all the good things I did have still, and most importantly, the breath I had (and have) at the start and end of each day. 

I finally knew what it meant to be sincere with yourself, to know yourself, and to love yourself. Without judgement or limitations.

At 26 years old I was a clean slate and could put the pieces of who I am back together as I saw them. Not as someone else saw them. 

The freedom of this brought me a peace that surpassed all understanding. My family thought Id gone crazy... They still do. But thats okay, because I also now know what Forgive them for they know not what they do means. 

They dont mean to hurl their false beliefs my way. Its what was done to them, and so on and so on, since the beginning of my family tree... And probably even before that. 

Its not a blame game, its the end of the game itself. And the start of the life I have always known I was meant to live. 

I no longer have anything to prove to anyone. Not even myself. 

I am enough, I am beautiful, and I am a child of God. Knowing this, what exactly is there to change?  Nothing. 

I have no idea what life will bring my way, but I do know I have a daily reprive from insanity (and Ignorance) based on my spiritual condition...and this blog to share my discoveries and rememberings along the way hopefully helping someone as well. After all, to help another is to help yourself. 

So there you have it, the first blog post. I am actually happy the first first post was deleted. This turned out to be completely different than that one, but perfect just the same. Turns put everything does happen for a reason. Its my job to get out of the way....

Namaste